The woman, who is well off, explained in the post that she enjoys spending time with her niece Ashley, 11, taking her out to shows, horse riding, and shopping when she’s in town but is not close to her niece’s mother Amy, her brother’s wife.

The 29-year-old posting under the username u/throwaway_neiceski explained that she had planned on taking Ashley skiing over the New Year, but after the child was rude to her mother, the parents decided that she could no longer go. Her dilemma centers around the fact that due to the tense relationship between Ashley and Ashley’s mother, the parents have now asked her to lie to her niece, saying that the skiing plans had changed, to avoid any more arguments between the pair.

“I said I understand that but I didn’t feel right lying to Ashley and if her parents had made the decision they need to deal with the consequences not push it onto me,” she wrote, adding in an edit that Ashley finds her mother “stifling.”

“It’s my opinion that Ashley is trying to get some emotional space from he mother the only way she knows how—by not wanting to spend time with her. Amy doesn’t respond to her requests so I think she’s just resorting to being mean to her,” she said.

Ruth Freeman, LCSW, founder and president of Peace At Home Parenting Solutions, told Newsweek that “the relationship between this teen and her aunt sounds lovely. Her niece is now an adolescent as were her parents when she was born. This can be a complicated time for both the child and parents. It sounds like this aunt cares deeply about this young woman and the family, even taking the time to understand her SIL (sister-in-law) with whom she isn’t really close.

“The parents’ suggestion that the aunt participates in deception to get the teen to be closer to her mother is very unlikely to be successful,” Freeman said. “Around the age of 15 or so, girls often push back on their moms to develop their own separate identity. One of the ways they do this is by making mom ‘wrong’—telling her all the things that are wrong with her and how they are different than that. This is a tough time in a mother’s life and she needs a lot of support but she also needs to give her daughter room to explore her identity.

“If mom can remain firm and kind and positively connected (refuse to engage in blameful arguments, stay positive and keep boundaries firmly), her daughter will come back to her as a young adult. But that can be complicated and parents often need support to walk that line. It isn’t unusual for moms to feel the kind of loss that this mom is describing when their teen daughters pull away,” Freeman said.

“Mom needs to stay kind and connected but loosen things up a bit,” Freeman suggested. “Aunt sounds like she is walking this fine line well in not siding with either mother or daughter. In the case of the conversation about chaperoning the trip, if the aunt actually is willing to do it, she might just say, ‘This is a decision between you and your parents. Once you figure it out, let me know.’ And just stay out of it.

“The joy of being an aunt is not having to make those kinds of decisions and just taking delight in her niece, listening to her with care, offering her point of view and supporting her niece to become who she really wants to be. The parents have the more complicated job of supporting their child’s development and giving her room to grow while still keeping her safe.”

On Reddit, commenters backed the aunt’s decision.

“The girl is 11. That is developmentally when kids, and girls especially, are SUPPOSED to be embarrassed by mom. When I was that age my mom was the most uncool person ever! That lasted until like 20 and then I needed my mommy again. This is how kids are supposed to be!” Redditor KSknitter wrote.

“If Amy wants to spend time with Ashley, she needs to do something for Ashley, instead of making it about herself,” Horror­_Cucumber_3497 said.

Newsweek reached out to u/throwaway_neiceski for comment.

If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.